What does it mean when a guy says he's afraid of falling for someone else after going through heartbreaks?
07.06.2025 20:14
As I have found over the last 25 years, employers and that includes high level accountants are too busy looking at voloume, not quality and get the matter dealt with there and then even if it is the whole morning and I haven’t hit my “target of 20 calls hat morning. However I have just recovered £10,000 in 14 days for a un-defendable default by pased the usual replies and Defences by havng so much evidence that there can be no defence, and I have a Judgement I can enforce immediately. even as far as converting it to a Bankruptcy or “Winding -up Order” and close debtor down and taking the money on Liquidation for the sake of a day; an have he money in the bank 21 days later.
That fear of going through that type of heartbreak again is very real, whether the would be rejected one is the male or female in the relationship. Indeed I have been very way of making friendships or expressing my love to a girl for fear of that rejection all over again. The few casual chats at the bar or pub have been no different to colleagues having a drink after work; but clearly that fear of going further as in the case of P. that she would come to my house for dinner/evening meal and have that kiss and cuddle on arrival and departure as well a good chat an listen to music. (As an aside I am a little odd in some peoples’ eyes as I don’t have nor ever ha a TV in my house since I left home. In part as there was a load of rubbish on, and in the UK at that time only 4 channels (long before Sattelite and Cable were even thouht of -:) ) .
Employees still can’t get it around that voloume does not equal efficiency.
What is it like to date a women 20 years younger than yourself?
For men particularly how have had children through the relationship to be told by the Judge hearing the case you can only see your child once a week and every other week end, along with 2 weeks of the Childs holiday per annum, bloody hurts ! Again men do have feelings and need lover from their child as much as mum does. Indeed so does the child. Underlined again in the novel and film “Kramer-v-Kramer”.
I need to qualify the question.
However I am 60 and there fore seen as expensvie so a wrte off.
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Why can’t you recall things on demand? #
I can assure you that bl**dy hurt, and I make no reservations about stating I cried my eyes out. Even if I was 33 ! And yes, I did cuddle that pillow and bawled my eyes out- thank heavens for the cat ! [ seriously]. I am 30 years down the line and it still hurts.
Are you suggesting that a man has confided in you (whether as a friend or just known to you say though work) and he has indeed gone though a sudden, unexpected break up of a relationship which he thought was a greater emotional bonding to the girl, but not realising that actually she did indeed just wanted to be friends, i.e. the odd day out, a kiss and a cuddle when your greet and depart; and something as simple as holding hands going around a shopping centre, or say an event as a sports or similar “fun” type of day, away from the office grind and you can forget everything for that, say 8–12 hours.
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My reply was honest and even at the age of 60, I would only ever get married for love and that love returned both emotionally and sexually, with no fear of “thanks or the baby, can I go now?”
So having read law, seen two friends (the latter the most unpleasant) go though divorces, and having had to deal with these matters under control in the case of a loan I am a Credit Manager and draft litigation on those defaulted on and two “adults” squabbling like two teenagers who is going to pay the bill and/or have the car. And yes that really is how absurd things can get, where you may as well be dealing with two 10 year old’s in a playground. The difference in this case that we are in our 30s !
Well luvvies, I am not a computer “flash- memory” or CD R/W storage software.
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Indeed although my relationship with P was not advanced as I had first thought, and I accept I was verry much at fault, gettng involved with a girl again is very hard and you do reach a stage where you “throw in the towel “ and just accept that no one will ever love you enough for a genuine kiss and cuddle. In my case worked out that it was well when I redeveloped epilepsy and since 2000 a very unstable employment. I now have been told that I may have the onset of dementia and my short term memory irreversibly damaged, learning new tasks and particularly new computing suiteswhich with te computer driven world, employer are more itersted in button pushers and beats per minuete as opposed to someone who says: “Hold on, this doesn’t look right : STOP ! As I found whilst freelancing companies just assumed you knew their accounting suite and when you are slow learner as me, I am afraid the stock phrase “hit the ground running” actually means:
Even if he is not in the teenage break up situation, more so if the relationship has been a long one, but (as happened to me didn’t realise I hadn’t said “I love you very much” and a very genuine kiss and a cuddle) has suddenly broken down, not just because the other was being spiteful or just drifted (as in my case, different ways, but hadn’t realised it) apart for any number of reasons. In mine, I had let my job take over my life, and inadvertently not “kept in touch”. Only to realise that she had been seeing other men, not out of malice or spite, but in her own words “ I didn’t know you had those sorts of feelings for me. I just saw you as a friend and former colleague”.
That single paragraph “… G and I had a great week end at … and he asked me to marry him [ G ] (now its dawned on me t how much I had neglected her!) and I have accepted and we are getting married n the New Year. Much to her expressed excitement in her sentence construction and vocabulary that it was a genuine love that she has wanted, no a question of trying to make me jealous (although that may be how some people from the “outside looking in” may see that I was ) but a genuine expression that she was loved enough to want to be married, more to the point she felt that way about him.
Why did you put a guy’s dick in your mouth the first time?
No different to girls: why take on a relationship when there is a strong possibility it will fail and all she really wanted was half the Estate. Thanks for th kisses and cuddles I have got the money I wanted: or h and you can have the kids
As above I had buried my head in my work, and along with other issues in the 20 years since; I developed epilepsy my work pattern has become very broken and the idea of having a relationship that could go “pop” as I got too involved with my work (mainly fraud and forensic accountancy, including Court Actions through both Civil and Criminal Courts) so may be distracted again. So I think that this is the sort of line this would be male friend is heading down. He as seen what he thought was a solid relationship, even love was actually a figmment of his (and in my case) imagination.
And yes, havning read family law and helped a friend go through particularly unpleasant divorce (there was a six year old boy from the marriage who was played off against his father by a very spiteful (now) Ex-wife. Indeed some very serious Criminal inferences, although never became Charges in Crown or Magistrates Courts; but the accusations taken very seriously by County when the ex-wife tried to secre custody of the boy (now about 9 or 10) who is just getting his balance back, made new friends etc. Indeed in hind sight a very similar scenario to the plot in the film and book “Kramer-v-Kramer”.
The same applies to employment as indeed you now fear that you are going to be told you are “over qualified, so no get the job. So what was the point in taking those professional exams when I was 25?
Don’t you know our system?
Are you a female friend of his of long standing but genuinely plutonic, nothing more than a kiss and a cuddle as above, although you are not the person that he has had his heart broken by say you? (that is not to be unkind)?
I just cannot wake up early, even if I sleep on time. What should I do?
I have always said to myself , and indeed when “challenged” by my father with the question form my now late father: “Do you think you ever will get married Chris? “
Of course I get the last laugh when the company does collapse 18 months later as they didn’t take any notice of what I warned them about and how new business can be underwritten for a safer debt, more likely to be recovered. But hey, thet can get someone 60% cheaper; but unfortuantely wouldn’t know a Debit from a Credit if it smacked them in the face let alone draft and serve summons, secure Judement and recver the debt for the discout outlied above.
It may come as a shock but men do have feelings and have a need to be love as much as a woman and that is not in the sexual context either. Perhaps that is what P had wanted from the start and I just never made a suggestion that I was interested in her in that context. Indeed I was too frightened of losing her, which ironically I did as never told her I loved her very much and that kiss when we did meet really meant something to me, but I (now) realised had never made it clear.
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In real terms didn’t help actually such a liability now I have removed them from my CV.
Works both ways.
Why can’t you learn quicker?
Equally my legal skills, particularly for a small company, saves them a fortune in Solicitors Fees for something that is simple to plead and draft, but the Solicitors will charge you (employer) three time as much than I cost.
That single letter saying that the weekend she had taken away in a hotel with a friend- she had a very good school girl to school girl friendship that has started when she was about 11, or with her sister often went on weekends away. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that there may be other relationship(s) she was/had been going through and certainly not love as I interpreted it. Clearly these other events that I took her too and the dinners in restaurants and indeed she came to my house for Sunday Dinner (the UK variety Roast -:)) along with the bottle of wine etc.
The very fact he has confided in you that he is scarred of having his heart broken, is an indication of trust and you need to be able to hold that trust in the y up-set 7 year old or teen who is being told by their son/daughter that a relationship, particularly a long running one (in their eyes); remember that six months to them, is in adults terms may as well be a couple of years in context that he knows whatever he say’s to you will taken seriously and that you will support him emotionally. Indeed he probably does need a cuddle but in this case maternal i.e. you are now a mum dealing with a man who has now developed a child mentality and rationale anything from a reading age of 7 through to the “trying -teens” ! In the both cases the trust that you hear them through and it will go no further. Indeed you could even be an older cousin; the same principle applies.
Once you have fallen out the emotional 5 storey window those bones rarely mend if at all. And yes that fear that you will get emotionally attached to someone that you do indeed love both emotionally and indeed sexually, but never “between the covers” (so to speak); further you will never meet that special person again, or if you do there is a repeat performance, yes there is a lot of fear from the male side that having had what you (I) had thought was a strong emotional relationship, but your opposite number just see’s it as plutonic happen again does indeed make you very wary of getting in to many form of relationship. It should be noted that women have the same experiences and having (genuinely) had your heartbroken there is a fear that a future relationship will go the same way and you will lose that love again.